I'm Giving Up My Fight with Fat and You Should too.

There is something about being in the Caribbean, or maybe it’s just warm weather that makes me love my body no matter what shape it’s in. It’s hard for me to to grips with that when I’m in 17 degree Fahrenheit weather and I’m under 50 lbs of sweater and down feathers. But now having escaped the winter and settling into to working life on a Caribbean island, it is so obvious to me how much sexier I instantly feel when the weather warms up.

While I’m sure being able to wear my legs out and the softer, lighter materials of summer wear is a part of it; the other piece is very much mental. Although I am working as hard, if not harder than I was back home, in some ways, I am instantly more relaxed when the sun is shining on my face. More importantly, I lose the need to be in control all the time, which is usually where my obsession with weight loss takes me. I have gained roughly 60 lbs in the last 3 years. And one of the things that has been truly eye opening for me is how disconnected I have been from my body for a very long time. At one point, around 2014, i was a size eight. I taught yoga almost every day and my body was strong and my cheek bones were at maximum levels of fleek. But because of this disconnection, I couldn’t see it. I barely noticed it and the only thing I remember celebrating is that for the first time in my life, I could go outside with just a shirt with a built in bra and be fine. While that was indeed a miracle, I still distinctly remember constantly focusing on the parts of me that hadn't submit to my will; my tummy pooch, the little fat folds under my arms,etc So now that I am in a size 16 and struggling to not pop out of a 40H bra (I know!) I can only be grateful for the contrast that allowed me to realize 1) how ungrateful i was 2) that has me see that always being in some fight with my body is futile.

Bodies grow and they shrink and they stretch and swell and these are all signs that reflect where we are with our lives. In this moment, what I know for sure to quote Aunty Oprah, is that i am grateful for my body and the journeys that we’ve been on together. I️ want to learn to listen to her, what she needs, what she really wants, to understand when’s she’s actually hungry vs when I’m sad and want to stuff something down my feelings. I want to learn whether she actually wants to be a vege

Me stunting in Turks and Caicos. No matter how much weight I gain, these legs never fail me!

tarian or if meat actually makes her feel ok. I'm chilling with the forced fasts and elimination diet and embracing being present with real desires. I'm letting my body do what she does and supporting her in doing what feels good for the both of us. Ill keep you posted on how it goes!